Somewhere Only We Know
by FoolsRushIn
Summary: They were Barney and Robin. They were completely and utterly dysfunctional, but they loved each other. They didn't know how this was going to work out, but it would. Somehow. Barney/Robin. Spoilers up to 7x11.
1. You're Pregnant?

_How I Met Your Mother is kind of my obsession right now. It's literally (and I do mean literally, not figuratively. Just watched that episode, haha) killing me that a new episode wasn't on this week. So, in order to offset that I started a story! Yay! I don't think this one is going to be very long. Maybe 5-6 chapters at most. I have a tendency to start stories and never finish them, which is why I'm making this one short. I already have the whole thing planned out, and have ever since The Rebound Girl ended actually. I just haven't been able to get it down yet. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it. Let me know if any of the characters are OOC or if you completely hated it. I accept any type of review good or bad. Okay, I'm done talking. On with the story…_

_Disclaimer: I obviously don't own How I Met Your Mother, despite how much I wish I did. _

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><p>"I'm pregnant." And Barney didn't say anything, he glanced over at Robin who was bouncing her leg nervously. He could tell she didn't mean to say that, although even if he didn't know Robin at all he would know she didn't mean to say that.<p>

There's never really a good time for that phrase to come out of woman's mouth, at least in Barney's mind, but locked in a bathroom of your friend's house on Thanksgiving with the woman you recently cheated on your significant other with and then said girl rejected you in favor of her boyfriend doesn't come to mind as even close to a good time to open that can of worms. Barney swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat, he had to know.

"Did you talk to Kevin yet?" He asked clearing his throat awkwardly.

"We, uh, we actually never, we were taking things slow." Robin sputtered out shifting on the edge of the tub.

"Oh," he said trying to decide how he felt about the new information. On one hand, he and Ted had just discussed the idea of bro-parenting, but that was just a joke. It's not like they were seriously going to adopt a baby together. He liked the idea in theory, but in practice the idea made him a little nervous. Okay, _really _nervous. He stood up and paced around the room, as much as one could pace in a bathroom that small. They both sat, well she sat and he stood, in the bathroom together, not talking. Barney was unsure he had ever been a situation full of this much tension. It was clear that neither of them knew what to say, so they sat there.

He honestly wasn't sure whether or not he was thankful when Lily knocked on the door telling Robin she better get the hell out of there. He had too many thoughts swimming in his head to even register the look of confusion on Lily's face when he was the one to open the door.

Part of him, the old Barney, wanted to bolt. He wanted to run as far as he possibly could. Away from Robin, away from this baby, and away from what his life was becoming. But the new Barney wanted to stick it out. This Barney wanted to promise Robin he would be there through everything, no matter what her decision was because he loved her; even after she came to the bar with Kevin, because she was still Robin. At this point, though, he wasn't sure which part of him was winning. He was feeling beyond conflicted. When he looked at Robin, the new Barney definitely put up a good fight; but when he actually thought about it, there was no way he could do this.

Dinner was awkward, to say the least. Well, it was awkward for him and for Robin. They had barely spoken since they left the bathroom, they didn't even look up from their plate. Barney knew Lily knew that something was going on between them, especially by the way she kept looking between the two. Finally, he chanced a glance across the table at Robin who was staring at him and suddenly old Barney came rushing back. He couldn't sit here like everything was okay when he could barely breathe without hyperventilating. He played with the food on his plate for a few more minutes before pushing it away completely. He, literally, could not sit here. He got up from his chair and mumbled some sort of excuse before leaving.

"Barney," Robin called, stopping him in his tracks.

"I can't do this now." He said to effectively answer her silent question. She froze and sucked in a deep breath. He felt bad, but he needed to be honest with her.

"You are going to be able to do this eventually though, right?" She asked hesitantly shifting on her feet. He paused, now that it was starting to sink in he wasn't sure he could do this. He just knew he had to get out of here.

"I-I don't know." He mumbled honestly glancing at her before training his eyes back down on the floor.

"Right, I guess I should have expected that." Robin laughed bitterly. "Call me when you're ready, Barney. If you ever are." Barney nodded, but walked out anyway. God, he felt like such an asshole. But if he stuck around any longer he would end up saying things he didn't mean, things he couldn't take back. If running away was the solution to the problem, then so be it. He sat down on the front porch steps and took a couple deep breaths. He had to be okay with this because it was going to happen whether he was okay with it or not. He just needed time to wrap his head around it, once he did he was pretty sure everything would be okay. Robin would forgive him for walking out like that, because she had to be freaking out as much as he was. She just had had more time to process this and that's all he needed. Time.

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><p>As soon as Barney walked out the door, Robin collapsed on the couch. Since she found out she was pregnant, which was only two days ago, she had been freaking out. She expected it from Barney, honestly, she did. She just didn't expect it on this level. From the Barney she dated two years ago, yes, but Barney was so different now. She had to entitle him to a freak out though, because he was still Barney. But she couldn't help feeling upset when he walked out like that. She thought he would take it better than she did though. She heard about bro-parenting, which shocked her but it gave her hope. Maybe, he would be able to calm her down since he obviously seemed more on board with the whole family thing. But apparently, she was wrong. Maybe she was the problem. Maybe Barney just didn't want a family with her. She couldn't blame him after what she did.<p>

She took in a deep breath willing away the tears she could feel forming in her eyes. God, she was such a mess. She couldn't be a mother. She didn't want to be a mother. The only time she had even remotely thought about a child was the time she stole Jeremy's sock and even that was in a way in the future way, as in at least 10 years once she was in a stable relationship. But she was pretty sure she would have been fine just being fun Aunt Robin for the rest of her life. She never needed to be a mom. She never really wanted this to happen and now that it was, she wasn't sure how she felt.

She brought her knees up to her chest and placed her forehead on her knees. "Robin?" Lily asked and Robin looked up meeting her concerned look.

"Hey Lil," she sighed wiping at her eyes hoping Lily didn't notice anything.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Robin said forcing a smile. Lily nodded a skeptical look on her face.

"Where's Barney?" She asked suddenly realizing that he wasn't anywhere to be seen. Robin shrugged and glanced at the door.

"I don't know. He went for a walk?"

"What is going on with you guys?" Lily turned toward Robin a serious look on her face.

"I don't want to talk about it," she mumbled drawing imaginary patterns on her jeans. "It's just been a really hard couple of weeks and I feel like it's not getting easier anytime soon. And everything sucks and I can't deal with all of this." She spoke quickly her voice cracking at the end of her speech.

"Sweetie, seriously, maybe you need to talk about this. I know you don't want to but you seem so upset." Lily observed and Robin shook her head more tears coming to her eyes. God, she couldn't handle being this emotional for nine months. This was awful. She wanted to ask Lily if things would get better, but she didn't want anyone to know she was pregnant. She hadn't even wanted to tell Barney yet, she had blurted that out completely on accident. Maybe she should've told Barney that she hadn't even been to the doctor to confirm yet. Although, she was pretty sure that six positive pregnancy tests spoke for themselves. Sure, she had heard of a false positive, but six false positives. That seemed completely impossible.

"I'm not ready yet, but I promise when I am you'll be the first person I talk to." _Second, _she mentally added, because really she should talk to Barney first. The ball was in his court at this point, though.

"Just don't wait too long, Robin. Things have a way of eating you up." She nodded, she kind of hoped this would eat her up. Maybe then everything would go away and her life could go back to normal. She wanted to go back to before Nora and Kevin and before everything between her and Barney got so screwed up. She pressed her palms to her eyes, she was so tired. She felt like she could crawl into bed and never come out. "Well, I'm sure whatever is going on Barney will be back soon. He can never stay away for too long." Lily said wisely. "I'll make sure everyone leaves you alone. You can come back in when you're ready."

"I actually called a cab already. You don't mind, do you? I really need to go home."

"Of course not, go. We'll see you later, okay?" Lily smiled patting Robin supportively on the shoulder. Robin tried to smile back, but she was pretty sure it came out as a grimace when Lily's smile morphed into a frown. "I'll be here, when you're ready."

"I know." Robin sighed standing up. "And if you and Marshall really want to move here, you should. It's a really nice house and you guys should do what makes you happy. I'll support you 100%."

"We'll support you too, 100% whatever you do. You know we'd never judge you, Robin." She nodded. Sometimes she wondered if Lily had the power to read minds, but she quickly dismissed the thought.

"I'll see you guys later." She forced a weak smile and left. But the first thing she was met with when she exited the house was Barney on the front step.

"Hey," he said glancing up at her.

"Hey," she replied taking a seat next to him. Maybe, he would be ready to talk now and even if he wasn't at least he hadn't run away yet.

"So, I guess we need to talk, huh?" He asked and turned toward her.

"Yeah, I guess we do."


	2. Six Positives

_So, I'm not really sure how I felt about tonight's episode. I'm still digesting. I finished this though, so I figured I would put it up. I want to thank anyone who reviewed/alerted/read/favorite the first chapter. I know the amount of feelings exchanged in this chapter is a little OOC, but Barney has definitely said things like this in the past and I feel like Robin's on the verge of a breakdown where she kind of just needs to get it all out. Anyways, I hope you liked it and let me know what you think! Thanks!_

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><p>"You know, maybe we don't have to talk…" Robin trailed off and Barney shot her a confused look. "I mean, I didn't even go to the doctor yet. False positives happen all the time." The little voice in Robin's head shouted that she had taken six tests and six false positives in a row did not happen all the time.<p>

"So, you didn't go to the doctor yet? Okay, no big deal. You're probably not even pregnant." He waved his hand dismissively and Robin breathed a sigh of relief. "I mean, how many tests did you take anyways?" But then the relief rushed out of her because she knew it wasn't a false positive.

"Six," she mumbled so quietly she was almost sure there was no way he could've heard her. He shifted uncomfortably next to her.

"Six?" He asked his voice getting high and squeaky.

"Yeah, but you know they were all the same brand maybe there was, like, a recall or something? And they were _all _positive. That's got to mean something was wrong with the tests, right?" She suggested, her voice getting higher with each passing word.

"Th-they were all positive? Every single one of them?"

"Maybe," Robin shrugged and Barney raised an eyebrow. "Yes, all six of them."

"You're pregnant." Barney said like it was a sure thing. "You're pregnant," he repeated sighing at the end.

"I'll go to the doctor in a couple of days and until then we don't have to tell anyone." She said her voice wavering slightly. He put an arm around her supportively almost like he did that night in MacLarens when Simon broke up with her. "Everything's going to be okay, right?" She asked and her voice came out much more childish than she intended. Barney's hold on her tightened slightly.

"Of course, no matter what happens we'll have each other."

"I'm really scared," she admitted quietly. Suddenly, he pulled away so he could look her in the eye.

"C'mon Scherbatsky, nothing scares you. Besides, what would be more awesome than a Scherbatsky-Stinson baby? The correct answer is nothing." He smirked trying to cheer her up and she felt her lips twitch up into a smile. "And if you're not pregnant, then celebratory drinks." He cheered as a cab pulled up in front of the house.

"Thanks Barney," she patted his knee. "That's my ride." She commented standing up.

"Do you, uh, do you want me to come with you?" He asked hesitantly.

"If you want," she laughed. "But it's probably going to consist of me going home and eating a bunch of ice cream, since I can't drink, and then throwing it all up later."

"I could use some ice cream." He smiled standing up. "But I understand if you want some time alone…" He trailed off and she shook her head. Honestly, alone time was the last thing she needed right now because then all she would think about everything and thinking wouldn't be good right now.

"Let's go get ice cream," Robin smiled extending an arm. She was not going to deny Barney's company right now because she needed it, a lot. Even though she really didn't deserve it, she deserved to be completely blown off by him. She needed to apologize, she knew that. She owed him that much because, she should have at least given him a warning. It's not like she hadn't realized what a mistake she made. Because she did. But Kevin was safe, she wasn't too invested, she didn't have to worry about getting hurt. It seemed like an all around winning situation, but she hadn't thought about how it would make Barney feel, which she regretted now. Robin was known for making bad decisions though. She never thought things through before she did them, which kind of explained her current situation.

"I'm really sorry, Barney." She said quietly and he nodded.

"It's alright. I understand."

"You do?" She questioned eyeing him skeptically.

"It's not like we didn't both get hurt the first time around, even though I didn't show it very well…" He smirked at her trying to lighten the serious tone. "But I get why you would choose Kevin. I don't hold it against you and now we can just drop it, okay?"

"I broke up with Kevin." She told him after a couple of minutes of silence.

"Before or after the six positives?" He questioned finally and Robin stiffened, it was a fair question. And her being pregnant had absolutely nothing to do with their break-up, because even though she thought she might be pregnant when she broke up with Kevin, she hadn't taken any tests yet. Plus, she broke-up with him because it was something she had to do, for her.

"Before. We just, we really didn't work. At all. I didn't have very strong feelings for him." She said, at this point she was talking more to herself than to Barney, but he deserved to know all of this too. So, she kept going. "I picked him because he was safe. Because he told me he loved me. Because he doesn't know me well enough to see all the things that are wrong with me yet. I picked him because he thinks I'm perfect and you think that I'm almost as messed up as you are. And I totally get what you said, it's completely accurate. That's what scares me. You scare me, because you see me as the complete mess that I am and you're still there for me. You've seen me at my worst and you're still here. That scares me. I mean, the worst Kevin's seen me is when I tried to break you and Nora up." She sighed and shook her head leaning into the seat and closing her eyes.

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><p>Barney sat up confused. When did Robin try to break them up? Besides the time he and Robin had sex, but he was pretty sure that's not what she was talking about.<p>

"Wait, you tried to break us up?" He asked completely ignoring the other half of her speech, they would get to that later. She opened one eye to look at him and shrugged.

"Not really," she mumbled and he raised an eyebrow. "All right, I'll tell you the story but you have to promise not to get mad?" He almost wanted to laugh at how childlike she was right now, which wasn't something one could use often to describe Robin Scherbatsky. But he could tell her emotions were on haywire and she was having a hard time with all of this. And honestly, he and Nora were doomed from the start so he wouldn't be mad, but he wanted to know what happened.

"I promise I won't be mad."

"Do you remember when Nora was away and you asked me to help you collect all your old playboy stuff?" She asked and sat up looking at him. Barney nodded wondering where exactly this was going. He remembered that, but he couldn't remember anything that happened that could possibly break him and Nora up. "Well, we must've forgotten something because after you and Nora left for dinner, this girl came up to me asking where she could find you. And I may have told her the exact restaurant you and Nora were having dinner at and I also might have exposed some extra cleavage…" She trailed off and glanced at her hands shamefully.

"Oh, well she never found us." Barney answered confusion lacing his voice.

"I know," she sighed. "The story isn't over yet."

"The story is never over with you." He laughed.

"So, I went home and Ted was there. Something had been going on with him and Marshall, anyways, he made this speech about how 'love means having to take a step back,'" She said in a mocking 'Ted' voice, getting a laugh out of Barney. "I realized that what I was doing wasn't going to get you back and you were happy with Nora. I went to the restaurant and found the woman outside and I tackled her, then got charged with assault."

"That's how you ended up in therapy with Kevin?" He smirked.

"Yup, it was court mandated." Barney laughed and Robin glared at him. He kept laughing.

"Why do you even think this is funny?" She groaned. He shook his head, before sobering slightly.

"Y'know that I don't just think you're screwed up, right?"

"Huh?" Robin asked.

"What you said earlier about me being there for you even though I see what a complete mess you are?" She nodded once she understood what he was talking about. "It's not about that. I mean, yes, I love that you're messed up too and you understand me better than anyone, but that's not really what it's about. I," he paused unsure exactly how he wanted to continue. "I love you, because you're Robin Scherbatsky. You love guns and scotch and cigar and laser tag. Let's face it, you're almost a female version of me. Which is definitely not a bad thing. You're my best friend, Robin." He said softly and she smiled.

"You're my best friend too and I can't lose you." She admitted and Barney got the hidden message. He knew that was part of the reason she picked Kevin, even if she never voiced it. They had just done a lot of sharing their feelings in this cab and while, he knew they needed to get it all out; he really hated talking about his feelings. He thought about what to say before finally deciding to not say anything. He reached over and placed his hand on top of hers, he knew that was enough.

The rest of the ride was spent in complete silence. They were both immersed in their own thoughts. Barney was slowly trying to convince himself that maybe having a baby wouldn't be so bad. It was almost working. _Almost. _But he never wanted a kid. Although, if he had to do this with anyone, then he wanted to do this with Robin.

They finally made it to his apartment and they walked in, two cartons of ice cream in hand. "I would suggest the normal beer and ice cream combo, but I decided I won't drink to be supportive."

"Thanks Barney," she said letting out a light laugh.

"Now, what are we going to watch? I have a lot of porn…" He raised an eyebrow in Robin's direction and she laughed shaking her head.

"No, we are not watching porn. Just turn on the tv. We'll find something."

"Okay, be careful. We don't want you to go blind."

"You should buy a normal television that doesn't have the ability to burn out people's eyes." She suggested taking a seat next to him on the couch.

"Please," he scoffed waving a hand.

"I'm serious."

"Robin, I had this television specially shipped in from a foreign country. You can't just get rid of it because it's somewhat dangerous."

"That's exactly why you'd get rid of it!" She protested.

"Live a little, Scherbatsky. Besides you cannot even begin to deny the awesomeness of this television." He said gesturing wildly to the wall.

"Nothing is awesome if it blinds you."

"Everything the Barnacle does is awesome." He smiled widely making himself comfortable on the couch. Robin, predictably, rolled her eyes at him. They watched the television together eating ice cream for almost an hour before Barney spoke. "So, did you want me to come with you on Monday?" She nodded slowly.

"Yeah," she said quietly not quite meeting his eye. He knew this was the closest Robin would ever get to admitting she needed him, but he was okay with that. They might be the most unconventional couple ever, they weren't even a couple. Okay, they were the most unconventional, dysfunctional friends ever but it worked for them. And that was really all that mattered. He smiled over at Robin before turning his attention back to the wall/television. For once in his life he felt completely content and he liked it.


	3. It'll Be Fine

_So, this took me longer than planned to update, but I finally got it done. Yay! I feel the need to warn you guys that even though this chapter is a pretty fluffy chapter, the rest of this fic definitely isn't going to be. I have it all planned out in my head and I'm excited to get it down, but yeah. I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking this will be all smiles, because it won't haha. I want to thank everyone for all the favorites and comments, it means a lot. I'm glad you guys like it. Anyways, keep reading and reviewing and let me know what you think!_

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><p>"Robin Scherbatsky," the doctor called and Robin froze. She couldn't do this. Barney put his hand on her arm and called her name softly. She turned toward him and he must've been able to tell how panicked she was, because he smiled slightly.<p>

"C'mon, you can do this." He said standing up and holding out his hand. She grabbed it and stood up shakily. Barney and Robin were both silent as they sat in the office waiting for the doctor to come in. Robin swung her legs nervously and Barney tapped his fingers against the counter. "Whatever way this goes…" He trailed off looking at her and she nodded.

"I know," she smiled slightly resting her hand lightly on his hand to stop the drumming. She was completely freaking out, but if this had to happen with anyone…well, she was glad it was Barney. He understood where she was coming from with the whole kids thing. He was supportive and most importantly, he was one of her best friends. Or at least he used to be. They both jumped when the doctor entered the room, breaking them out of their thoughts.

"So, Mr. and Mrs. Scherbatsky," the doctor started, but Robin interrupted her before she could continue.

"Oh, we're not married." Robin said faking a smile.

"And if we were, there's no way I would take a Canadian last name like Scherbatsky." Barney scoffed.

"It's not a Canadian last name." She grumbled glaring over at him.

"I was taking a look at your test results," the doctor said effectively interrupting the argument that was about to start. "And congratulations, you're pregnant!" Robin let out a long sigh and Barney sputtered out high-pitched, incoherent syllables. "You're about four weeks, so I'd make an appointment at the desk in another four weeks." The doctor suggested, completely ignoring the reaction from both prospective parents. "A little bit of spotting is normal, but if there's a lot or it doesn't stop then, go to the hospital. Same thing with any cramping you experience. Okay?" She prompted realizing that neither had responded. Robin barely managed a nod and Barney was still staring at the wall.

"Ohmigod. Ohmigod. Ohmigod." Robin repeated and ran a hand through her hair.

"Pro-creation five!" He yelled, finally processing what was happening, holding his hand up and Robin slapped it reluctantly.

"So, we're going to have a baby." She said conversationally and he nodded. "A living person, dependent on us! Oh god." She groaned again putting her head in her hands.

"Hey, we have nine months to figure it out. It'll be fine."

"Yeah, that's easy for you to say. You don't have to push a human being through your vagina!" She yelled freaking out. She could not handle this. A baby was never part of her plan. Sure, she didn't mind babies so much anymore, but that didn't mean she wanted one of her own. She still had so much left to do, so many things to see. Having a kid almost felt like a death sentence.

"Okay," he said taking a step closer placing his hands on her arms and shaking her slightly. "Get it together, Scherbatsky. We are going to have the most awesome baby- nay, a legendary baby. A legenbaby, we're going to have a legenbaby. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Can we name it Hurricane?"

"We are not going to name our baby Hurricane." Robin instructed and Barney pouted. "I'll think about it," she conceded finally as they were leaving the doctor's office.

"Yes!" He yelled punching the air. She laughed and rolled her eyes as Barney hailed them a cab. "How long are we supposed to wait to tell everyone?" He questioned once he gave the cab driver the address for MacLaren's.

"You're supposed to wait until after the first trimester, so two months…"

"Two whole months? Why?" He whined. Robin rolled her eyes, sometimes Barney was such a little kid.

"In case anything goes wrong," she explained shutting her eyes tightly. Honestly, Robin wasn't sure what she was more afraid of right now; that something would go wrong or that everything would go completely right.

"Oh," he said finally calming down from the news. "That's fine," he smiled slightly at Robin. "We just won't tell anyone yet." They were silent the rest of the ride, both caught up in their own thoughts. Robin couldn't stop thinking; she wanted to shut her brain off. She couldn't stop thinking about a tiny blonde baby boy in a fitted suit, because she knew Barney would only let their child be dressed in the best. It brought a smile to her face for a second before she let the thought drift away. She wasn't going to think about the future, not yet. Because what if something did go wrong? That's just the way her life went. Whenever she allowed herself to get invested in something, to finally think positively about it; everything went to hell. So this time she just wouldn't think about it. She was going to file it in the back of her mind, at least for now.

Robin sighed as they pulled up in front of the bar. She was going to have to conceal her emotions pretty well, Lily always seemed to see right through her so she had to be convincing.

"We don't have to go in, we could just go up to your apartment." He suggested with a small genuine smile.

"No, it's fine." She shrugged walking in the door. As soon as the smell of the bar hit her, she wanted to cry. "God, I could really use a drink."

"Sorry," Barney said sympathetically ordering them both iced teas.

"You can drink, if you want."

"I'm okay." He said grabbing both of their drinks and heading to the normal booth to join Ted, Marshall, and Lily. Lily shot her a questioning look, but Robin just shrugged taking a sip of her iced tea.

"So, what are we talking about?" Robin asked to divert Lily's attention. Suddenly Marshall's and Lily's faces both get darker and Ted sinks into his seat slightly.

"Karen's back in town," Lily spat out glancing pointedly at Ted.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no. Ted, you didn't." Barney went off and Ted's eyes got wider after each 'no'. "Normally, I support relapses but no."

"Nothing happened." Ted interrupted glancing down at the table.

"Not yet," Lily corrected.

"Nothing's going to happen!" Ted defended himself. "We all remember what happened last time."

"Ted, let me explain something to you." Barney started and everyone turned waiting for whatever craziness he was about to spout. "Karen is a witch."

"That's ridiculous." Ted commented shaking his head and Marshall started bouncing in his seat.

"Dude, Barney's right! Everything makes so much sense now… She has this power over you none of us understand. Obviously it's because she worked her magic all over you."

"You have to stay away from her." Barney instructed. "Or else the spell just gets stronger." Ted glanced at Robin, hoping for someone to be on his side.

"Sorry, Ted. As crazy as they sound," she said gesturing to Barney and Marshall. "Karen is, literally, the douchiest person I've ever met. Plus, I share an apartment with you so if you start to date her, then I have to see her." Robin grimaced.

"We're not getting back together!"

"Of course not, we won't let you." Ted's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"You won't let me…?"

"Ted Mosby, you are officially on 72 hour Karen-watch." Ted opened his mouth to speak, but Barney cut him off. "Ah, ah, ah, for the next 72 hours you will be within viewing distance of one of the four people at this table. If you fail to abide by that rule, then we have full permission to hold you hostage."

"I never agreed to this."

"Please," Barney waved his hand. "If deemed necessary, 72 hour watch can go into effect at any time. With or without the consent of the person being watched." Ted sighed and banged his head on the table several times, before looking up at Barney.

"You are completely insane." Barney shrugged leaning against the back of the booth.

"Do you guys want to go see the new Twilight?" Lily asked in a small voice breaking the silence.

"Lily," Barney gasped. "Why on earth would you want to see that monstrosity of a film?"

"You're just mad because she picks the vampire over the dog." Ted said taking a sip of beer.

"Why would you pick the vampire, though? He could just lean over and kill you at any moment." Robin said and Marshall rolled his eyes.

"Of course you would say that, you dated a dog."

"I never dated a dog!" Robin defended trying to forget about Scooby.

"Uh, yes you did. He played fetch, he practically licked you, and his name was Scooby." Ted pointed out. Robin mumbled an insult under her breath, Barney laughed, and Ted glared at him.

"I'm with Scherbatsky on this one. Plus, the vampire is a total woman." Barney said and Lily spoke up.

"He is not, just because you don't like the romantic crap doesn't make everyone who does a woman."

"He's a woman," Robin agreed. "Not to mention totally creepy, I mean he watches her sleep. That's just weird."

"All the wolf does is whine!"

"The vampire glitters in the sun! He's a woman!" Barney yelled back. The whole bar went silent and everyone was now looking at their table.

"Well, I'm going to see it." Lily said standing up. "Marshmellow?" Marshall stood up and the couple looked at Ted expectantly. Ted realized he had a choice; he could either spend the night with Marshall and Lily or Barney and Robin. He sighed.

"Yeah, I'm coming with you guys." He said standing up and following them out of the bar.

"Alone once again," Barney said in an ominous voice and Robin couldn't help but laugh. "Come on, let's go upstairs. I bought the Harry Potter movies."

"Yes!" Robin cheered following him out of the bar. "That franchise is so much better."

"Wizards are kickass."

"Totally," she agreed unlocking the door to her and Ted's apartment. Barney put the movie in and they both sat on opposite ends, the popcorn bowl sitting in between them. They were about a half hour into the first movie when Barney looked over at her.

"Are you sure you're okay with the whole baby thing?"

"Yeah," she said unconvincingly and Barney raised an eyebrow. "Okay, no but I will be. It's just going to take some getting used to."

"We're going to be awesome parents."

"Yeah, we will." She said with a faraway look in her eyes. Barney reached over and put a hand on her shoulder bringing her back to Earth.

"Hey, you okay?" She nodded and blinked away the tears she could feel forming in her eyes. "Robin?" He asked.

"I'm worried something's going to go wrong." She admitted. "Something always does." She swiped at her eyes and Barney felt his heart constrict. He couldn't stand seeing Robin cry. Normally, when a woman was crying it was a good thing. For Barney, anyway. But he hated when Robin cried. He moved the popcorn and scooted over to her wrapping his arm around her.

"Hey," he said tilting her head up to look at him. "Everything's going to be fine and even if it's not, I'll be here."

"Really?" She sniffed and he couldn't help but laugh.

"Of course."

"Damn hormones," she muttered wiping her eyes free of tears. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," he smiled pressing a kiss to the top of her head. They turned back to the movie, but he stayed where he was and rearranged himself slightly to pull Robin closer.

"What would people say if I told them you were a closet cuddler?" She smirked up at him.

"I will deny it to my death if you say anything." She laughed loudly resting her head on his shoulder.

"I missed you," she said quietly a couple of minutes later and his hold tightened. She really had. Part of the reason she had stayed with Kevin was because losing Barney wouldn't just mean losing her boyfriend, it would mean losing her best friend. But she had lost him when she failed to break up with Kevin. Now, though, now she was getting him back and she couldn't risk it again by diving head first into a relationship. Especially with a baby thrown into the mix. So, right now she was content to just lie in his arms and that was all she wanted from him. For now.

"I missed you too." He responded. And for some reason, Robin knew that no matter what happened everything would be okay.


	4. We Have Each Other

_Okay, I'm sorry this chapter took so long to post. But I'm also sorry this chapter was such a bummer. I warned you last chapter that this wasn't exactly a happy story and it probably won't get better anytime soon. It was really hard to write this, but I had this planned since I wrote the first chapter. I seriously considered changing it and making this story all happy and fluffy, but I decided to stick to my original plan. So, I hope I didn't completely bum you out (even though it probably did). Thanks for all the alerts/favorites/reads/reviews. They're all very much appreciated and I hope you keep them coming. And now on with the story…_

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><p>Two and a half weeks ago Barney found out he was going to be a father and he still wasn't used to the idea. He was warming up to it though. He reached the point where he acknowledged that having a child wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. He was almost excited about it. <em>Almost<em>. There was still a large part of him that was freaking out when he realized everything he would be giving up. No more going to MacLaren's every single night. He couldn't take home random women anymore, although he had cut back on that a lot lately anyway. He had been going home with Robin and hanging out there until she fell asleep, then he would go home. He and Robin were in a really good place right now. They were back to being best friends and okay, he could admit it. Maybe he did want more than that, but he was okay with the way things were for now. He glanced at Robin, who was watching him intently, and smiled.

"You don't have to do this." She said giving him a small smile.

"Do what? If you mean be awesome, I can't help that." He gave a signature Barney smile and received the predictable eye roll and head shake from Robin.

"You know what I mean," she gave him a fake glare. "You stay in with me every night, just because I can't drink and don't really go down to the bar doesn't mean you can't."

"Maybe I'd rather hang out with you." He shrugged and just like that the conversation was over. Barney had grown a little bit, he could at least express his feelings a little more freely now. Robin was still the same girl who was scared of too many emotions though. He knew someday she would be ready, he was just waiting for that day to come.

"I miss drinking," Robin said suddenly glaring at the beer bottle Ted had left on the table earlier.

"Well, this is probably good for you then. We could all be considered alcoholics. Think of this as rehab."

"But I can't smoke either," she sighed. "I should at least be able to do something fun."

"Yeah, being pregnant is a bummer." Barney nodded in agreement.

"Shut up," she glared at him. "You're the reason I'm like this."

"Ah ah ah, Scherbatsky. I think you kissed me." He smirked. He was pretty sure that wasn't true, she brought up the almost kiss but he kissed her. It was fun to see her get flustered though. So, he leaned back waiting for the expected reaction.

"I did not." She mumbled sitting up crossing her arms, her cheeks tinted pink in irritation.

"Heh heh, I know." He laughed satisfied when she punched him in the arm. He could handle being best friends with her, even if he wanted more. What he hated was that awkward time where they pretended to be okay after their break-up even though they weren't. At least they were passed that now. "And I'm truly sorry about the whole pregnancy thing." He said in a conspiratorial tone. "I don't know what happened, I've spent so many years training my sperm to swim the opposite way. I've dodged the bullet so far. It must be your uterus."

"Hey! I've dodged the bullet too until you."

"We were just too passionate. Damn, this never would've happened if it was meaningless sex." He reminisced on his years of bimbos. He did enjoy bimbos, he couldn't deny it. They were easy, they were fun, there was no commitment. But there was definitely something to be said about being with a woman you actually loved, nothing could compare to that. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud, but it was true.

"Yeah, it was pretty great sex though." Robin said a faraway look in her eyes.

"Barney Stinson never does anything less than 110%."

"You can't do anything over 100%." She said rolling her eyes at him.

"You've been living with Ted too long. The whole correction thing is really lame."

"At least I don't pronounce things in his douchey, pretentious way." She said in defense and he nodded. At the same time they looked at each other, identical thoughts running through their head.

"We can't let this kid around Ted." They both said.

"We can't let this kid around us," she murmured her head resting on the back of the couch.

"We can do this, Scherbatsky." He patted her knee supportively.

"I-I-I don't know, Barney. How are we going to raise a kid when we're so unprepared?" She asked looking over at him. He paused thinking of the right way to answer. He never knew what the right thing to say was and he knew with Robin he didn't always have to say the right thing, but this time he did. He needed to find the right answer to this.

"Just because we're unprepared doesn't mean we won't be good parents. And we always have Marshall and Lily for advice."

"I don't want to screw this up like our parents did with us." She sighed sitting up and tucking her legs under her. She was right. Their respective parents had screwed them both up big time. Of course he was scared that the way he was raised would screw-up any future offspring of his, although he was never planning on having offspring. He just really didn't want a kid right now. Sure, he thought about having kids but not now. In the future when he was in a stable relationship with Robin. That was one constant for his future, whenever he imagined settling down it was with Robin. He couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else. Sure, he dated Nora but Robin was still there in the back of his mind. He couldn't let her go. He still couldn't let her go, even more so now that she was pregnant.

"I think that will make us better at this, y'know?" He said and she shook her head. They both had a hard time saying baby or parents, in anything relating to their situation. They referred to the baby as the kid, the word baby made it seem so much more real. And they couldn't talk about themselves as parents, they both avoided that topic since Robin announced her pregnancy. They only used pronouns to refer to the fact that she was pregnant and in 8 months there would be a baby and they would be parents. "Because we know what not to do."

"Yeah, but we don't really know what to do either. I mean, only a year ago we were at a black tie event at a national museum and instead of studying the exhibits; we went around to see how much stuff we could touch. We have no idea what to do," she reiterated.

"Robin, we're awesome. That's all we need."

"I can't do this, Barney." She said shaking her head. He moved closer to her. He suspected this had been hitting Robin a lot harder (heh, harder) than him. Mostly because she was the one carrying a parasite, it probably wouldn't hit him until said parasite was out.

"Sure, you can. You still have months to figure out how this is all going to work." When Robin still didn't look comforted he moved closer and took her hand in his. "We'll figure this out. Trust me, okay?" She finally looked up at him managing a small smile even though he could tell she was still scared out of her mind. "Hey, no matter what happens. Wh-whatever way this turns out I'll be here." Barney pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head when she put her head on his shoulder.

"We'll have each other," she reaffirmed.

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><p>They kept that promise to each other. Whether he was freaking out or Robin was, they would drop everything. He acknowledged the fact that he was there for her a lot more now, than when they were dating. It almost made him cringe how insensitive he'd been sometimes when they were dating and after their subsequent break-up. But he was making up for that now, at least he hoped he was. His phone rang and he noticed it was Robin, he let a smile make its way onto his face. He never liked needy women and Robin never was a needy woman, but he liked that she was finally accepting his help in this situation.<p>

He answered the phone and listened as Robin talked in a rush of words he wasn't entirely sure he understood, he just knew he had to get down to the hospital right away. He ran out of the GNB building not even bothering to tell anyone where he was going. He grabbed the first cab he found, which he was thankful for. At least he didn't have to worry about any buses. God, that was what started this whole mess. The bus crash, realizing he was in love with Robin, they were synonymous with the best things that ever happened to him. It was crazy because when they happened he was so sure they wouldn't even have any significance in his life. But look where he was now, in a cab heading to another hospital room where his life would change forever.

He didn't even know how he felt. He would decipher his feelings later, right now his thoughts were on Robin. Although knowing Robin the chances that she would actually express any of what she felt were slim to none. She'd pretend she was relieved, even though he would know better. He closed his eyes on the rest of the way to the hospital, he couldn't think. He threw his money at the cabbie and made a mad dash to Robin's room. He didn't know why he was running, it's not like he could reverse what already happened. He sighed heavily when he walked into her room and she was laying there curled up on her side. He'd never seen her look so fragile, it made his heart ache. He knocked on the door lightly to alert her to his presence and she turned on the bed to face him. She tried to manage a smile, but it didn't work. Even Robin wasn't that good at faking her emotions. He quickly moved to the chair next to her bed. One of his hands grabbed hers and the other one stroked her head comfortingly.

"I'm fine," she said after a few moments of silence.

"W-w-we don't have to talk." Barney replied. He wasn't sure if he was saying it for her benefit or his. They were both a little emotionally handicapped and he didn't know how they were going to get through this. They had overcome obstacles in the past but none like this.

"I'm fine," she repeated. This time he realized she was talking more to herself than to him. "I should be fine, right?" Robin asked turning toward him. "We should both be fine." She mumbled letting her fingers lace through his. "Because we didn't really want this anyway. We both want to be independent. We don't want a kid holding us down. So, we should be fine."

"But?" Barney prompted.

"But I have all these feelings and I don't know what they mean. A-a-an-and I k-keep telling myself I'm fi-fine, but I-I-I don't think I a-am." She mumbled; her voice cracking several times as she stuttered over her words, getting more emotional as she continued. They sat there for the next several hours waiting for Robin to get discharged. They kept their hands tightly clasped, it seemed to be the only thing keeping them sane.

When she finally got to leave, they silently took a cad back to Barney's place. Neither of them wanted to go back to Robin's apartment where they could risk running into Ted. They entered his apartment, still holding hands. Barney gently took hold of Robin and led her into the bedroom. He took her shoes and coat and put them on the chair in the corner of his room and then threw over the corner of the covers allowing her to crawl in. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" He said quietly before turning to walk away, but just as he went to take a step, Robin's hand closed around his wrist.

"Stay?" She asked hopefully moving over in the bed and he nodded. It's not like he would say 'no', if anything he wanted to be close to her right now. He didn't know how she felt though. That's what he wanted to know. He wanted to make her feel better, he wasn't even sure that was possible. He didn't think anything could make him feel better, so he could only imagine what it was like for her. He just never felt a loss like what he was feeling now and he was totally unequipped to deal with this. He looked down at Robin who had fallen asleep, thank God. Maybe she could at least forget everything for a little while in her sleep. He pulled her in closer and obviously it didn't make anything better, but at least for right now he had Robin. He knew it wouldn't take long before she started to pull away from him again and there wasn't much he could do to stop it. Especially this time. So, he was going to enjoy what time he had left with her. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about everything that could've been. He didn't think about what their baby would've looked like or how much it hurt now that he was never going to find out. He laid there breathing in Robin's scent as he drifted off to sleep, hoping against all that made sense that everything would turn out okay.


	5. She Wanted to Talk

_Please don't hate me! It has to get worse before it gets better and it will get better…eventually. And don't hate Barney, he's just going through a lot. Anyway, thanks for the reviews and alerts and favorites. They're very much appreciated. And let me just say that I love Ted. I know he can be really douchey sometimes but I'm definitely a Ted fan. So, I hope you liked this chapter and leave me your thoughts?_

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><p>When Robin woke up a couple of hours later, she was completely surrounded by Barney. His arms were wrapped around her waist and her face was buried in his chest. She took a minute to just breathe him in. She closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. She didn't want to think about what happened earlier today, she wanted to stay here in Barney's arms forever. She knew she couldn't though. Once Barney woke up and had time to sort through his feelings, she knew what he would think. He would blame the entire thing on her, it was her fault after all. Maybe, she should have gone to the doctor sooner, she had spotting a couple of hours before she went to the hospital, but she told herself it was nothing. She should have gone sooner. Or she should have tried to de-stress herself more, the doctor said that could've caused it.<p>

Realistically, Robin knew that there was no way to change what happened. But it felt like her fault. And if she blamed herself, then Barney probably would too. She had to get out of his arms, before he woke up and rejected her. She needed a shower, anyway. She still smelled like hospital. She closed her eyes tightly and willed away all the other thoughts. She didn't want to think about the baby. A baby she could picture in her mind, with blue eyes and brown hair with a suit on. It was always a boy, she would've never known what to do with a daughter. The last couple days, she allowed herself to picture it. To think about a future with Barney and a baby. Surprisingly, the idea grew on her. She was almost excited, until the miscarriage brought her back to reality.

What had she been thinking? She wasn't a white picket fence and 2.5 kids type of woman. She never had been. She didn't know why she thought she could suddenly change. Robin Scherbatsky was a career woman, not a family woman. That's why things hadn't worked out with her and Ted. She sighed, she couldn't think about it anymore. She was digging herself into a deeper hole. She just had to convince herself she never wanted the baby to begin with, then maybe she could feel relieved instead of how she felt right now.

Right now she felt empty, there was this dull aching pain in her chest. She wanted to go to MacLaren's and get wasted, because being numb would be way better than this. But before she went anywhere she seriously needed to get up and take a shower. She let herself lay in Barney's arms for a few more minutes, savoring it before it never happened again. Then, Robin slowly extricated herself from his embrace. He looked so peaceful when he slept, she smiled. She always felt like she got a glimpse of vulnerable Barney when he was sleeping. It was one of the few times he truly let his guard down, even if it was unintentional.

She shot one last longing glance at Barney before making her way to the bathroom. She climbed into the shower letting the warm water slowly wash over her. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back turning the hot water all the way on. She knew the water was burning her skin, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She quickly washed herself and stepped out, using Barney's towel since he only had one. She put on the clothes she was wearing earlier, because she wasn't going to steal any of Barney's. She exited the bathroom once she was dressed and noticed Barney was still sleeping. She wanted nothing more than to climb back in bed with him, but she couldn't. She turned on his giant television, hoping it would help distract her. She watched it for about ten minutes, before she realized that nothing was going to distract her. She almost wanted to talk, which was so unlike her. But she had all these feelings and she didn't think she would feel better until she got them all out. She sighed and rested her head against the back of the couch trying to decipher her feelings.

Part of her was relieved, it's not like she ever wanted or planned on being a mother. Sure, she wasn't "afraid" of babies anymore, but that didn't mean she should have one. At least she didn't need to navigate the road of motherhood now. That was a good thing, right? She told herself it was, but there was a little voice in the back of her head that wouldn't shut up. The voice that told her she had been excited about the baby for a short period of time. She really had been excited. Although, she was trying to brush that memory aside, she just couldn't. No matter how brief that time was, there was a point where Robin allowed herself to be excited. To think about what the future for her and Barney was now that a baby was involved and she had been genuinely happy. Then, everything was ripped away suddenly. No more baby. No more future with Barney. She needed to accept it, especially that last part. Barney wasn't going to want to be with her. Not after she lost their baby. _Their _baby. It had been an odd, but surprisingly comforting concept for the time it existed. But she didn't want a baby anyway, so it was alright. Everything was going to be fine.

She sighed. She had to stop thinking in circles. She just needed to get her feelings out somehow. She wasn't sure she could hold this in like she normally did. She wanted to talk about it for once. Robin Scherbatsky actually wanted to talk about her feelings. Wow, this was new.

"Robin…?" Barney called tentatively as he stepped into the living room. She forced a small smile on her face for him.

"Hey," she murmured turning the volume on the television down slightly.

"I, uh, I thought you might have left." He admitted sitting down on the couch next to her and she shook her head.

"Do you want me to?" She asked hesitantly meeting his eyes.

"No," he said quietly offering her a smile. They were both silent for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. She glanced over at him trying to decide what to say. She wanted to talk about what happened, but she wasn't sure if he did. But she wanted to know how he felt. She needed to know if he blamed her for this, like she blamed herself. She took a shaky breath.

"Barney," she started, jarring him out of his own thoughts. "Do you want to talk?" He shrugged.

"We don't have to." He finally said and she wasn't sure if that was offered as an out for her or if he really didn't want to talk.

"Maybe we should…" She offered.

"What is there to talk about, Robin?" He asked. He sounded tired. Robin knew Barney really well, probably better than he knew himself and she could tell he was reaching his breaking point. She felt horrible for contributing to it. She almost responded to his question, but he quickly started speaking again. "Should we talk about how you _were _pregnant?" He asked emphasizing the past tense and she winced at his tone. "Or we could talk about how yesterday there was a baby and today, there's nothing. Or how about we just sit around and talk about what we're feeling?" He suggested, disgust lacing his tone. "I'm sorry, but this isn't a therapy session." He spat out. Robin tried not to take his attack personally. He was just upset and people deal with being upset different ways. This had always been Barney's way of coping. He lashed out. It had happened a couple times in the years she's known him, but this was the first time the attack was directed at her. But she tried not to take it personally. She tried to ignore the lump in her throat and the tears stinging her eyes. She let out a shaky breath and nodded.

"I'm sorry," she said sinking into the couch trying to disappear. "I'm just going to leave." She muttered standing up and grabbing her purse quickly slipping her shoes on. She was almost at the door when Barney spoke.

"Wait," he said in a strangled voice and she braced herself. She didn't turn around though. She couldn't show Barney how vulnerable she was. So, she stood there facing the door waiting for him to speak again. "I didn't mean…" He trailed off and she shook her head.

"It's fine," she tried not to let the tears affect her voice. "I'm sorry." She said again this time more quietly before slipping out the door. She made it into a cab before the tears finally started to fall. She didn't let out any loud sobs, just quiet tears streaming down her face. She wasn't supposed to be upset though. She was supposed to fine with the entire situation. She was halfway up the steps to her apartment when she remembered Ted had a date. The other night she promised him she wouldn't come home until late, in order to let him have alone time. She thought about where else to go. Marshall and Lily were on Long Island for the weekend and she couldn't go home, Barney's was out of the question. The only place she could go was MacLaren's.

She took a seat at the bar and immediately ordered a scotch, beer wasn't strong enough tonight. She wasn't sure how long she sat there or how many scotches she had, but suddenly everything was a lot fuzzier. She couldn't even sit on her stool correctly. She tried to order another drink but Carl shook his head. "Sorry, but I'm cutting you off." He said pulling her empty tumbler away.

"Just one more," she slurred out, gripping onto the bar for support. Carl shook his head.

"It's time for you to go home."

"Fine," Robin said indignantly grabbing her purse. "I have drinks upstairs." She huffed falling off the stool. Carl sighed loudly, but came around the bar to help her up. She giggled and held onto his arm tightly to keep everything from spinning. She knew she had too much to drink, but she didn't care. Today was probably going to go down as one of the worst days of her life, if she wanted to get drunk then she could.

"I'm only doing this because you're a regular," Carl sighed pulling her outside and helping her up the steps to her own apartment building.

"Y'know Marshall used to think you were a vampire." Robin laughed and Carl nodded.

"Yeah, I've heard that before." He opened the door to her building and gently pushed her inside. "Now, go upstairs, drink a glass of water, and go to sleep." He instructed closing the door behind her. She walked toward the steps gripping the railing tightly. She'd never been more thankful that her and Ted only live on the second floor. She stood outside the door trying to fit the key into the keyhole. When it finally worked she fell into the apartment the door slamming behind her. She immediately noticed how dark it was and stumbled toward the light switch, laughing as she ran into the end table and fell over.

"Shh," she instructed herself, knowing even in her drunken haze that it was late and Ted was definitely sleeping. She tried to stand up, but she kept stumbling. She eventually gave up and leaned back against the front door.

"Robin…?" Ted asked blearily coming out of his bedroom.

"Teddy Westside!" Robin exclaimed laughing to herself.

"Are you drunk?" Ted asked walking toward her and then grimacing. "My god, you smell like a brewery."

"Yeah," she said extending her arms so Ted could help her up. "Carl cut me off, so I figured I'd just come drink here."

"Oh no, you are going to bed." He wrapped an arm around her waist supporting her to try get to her room. "Why are you so drunk, anyways?"

"Worst day of my life," she mumbled with a yawn.

"What happened?" He looked over at Robin, who just shrugged. When he realized she wasn't going to answer, Ted asked something else. "Where were you all day? I've called you, like, 20 times. Did you meet someone?"

"I was at Barney's," she slurred as they finally made it to her room.

"You were at Barney's place?" Robin nodded climbing under her covers. "Aren't you going to get changed?" Ted asked watching her closely.

"Nope," she flashed Ted a smile and closed her eyes.

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><p>Ted stood in her doorway trying to figure out what exactly was going on. He figured Robin had fallen asleep and started to back out of her room when she sighed. "Barney's bed is more comfortable." Ted shook his head and closed the door to her room quietly. He had to call Barney. Robin had been acting weird lately and it definitely wasn't like her to go out and get completely wasted. Whatever was going on with her, Barney knew and Ted was going to find out what it was. He grabbed a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin placing it on Robin's bedside. If today was the worst day of her life, tomorrow wouldn't be much better. Tomorrow, she would wake up with a horrible hangover and probably, the same problem she had today. Maybe he could get her to open up or at least find out what was going on from Barney. He picked up the phone and dialed Barney's number. This situation warranted a middle-of-the-night phone call. He bounced on the balls of his feet anxiously waiting for Barney to answer.<p> 


	6. They Needed Space

Barney was sitting on his couch staring at the full bottle of scotch and the empty tumbler next to it. He wanted to drink it, but he wasn't going to. He sighed running a hand through his hair. Not only was the entire situation his fault, he just couldn't stay the hell away from Robin, but he felt horrible for what he said to her before. And horrible was putting it mildly. He almost went after her. He figured that would probably do more damage in the end. Immediately after Robin left, he allowed his temper to get the best of him. A couple of things in his apartment were out of place, but he would clean it up later.

He leaned back taking a deep breath. It would be so much easier to take a drink. Leave behind the pain of losing a baby, his and Robin's baby. Forget about how hurt Robin looked when she left earlier. He had been blinking back tears all day; he wasn't going to cry though. If he cried, then everything would be real. Plus, Barney Stinson doesn't cry. He doesn't get upset over losing a baby. It's not like he wanted a family. He wasn't upset about the miscarriage, he told himself. He was just upset over how much he hurt Robin.

He closed his eyes tightly and pressed his fingers over the lids. He seriously needed to go to sleep. It was almost three in the morning, at least he didn't have work tomorrow. He jumped suddenly when his phone started to ring loudly, sitting on the coffee table next to the scotch. He didn't even glance at the caller ID before picking it up. He hoped to God it was Robin. He wanted to talk to her, but he knew he had to give her time and space after he blew up at her.

"Hello?" He croaked trying to regain control of his voice.

"Barney," Ted's voice floated through from the other end of the line. Barney immediately panicked. Why was Ted calling him at three in the morning? Was something wrong with Robin?

"Hey Ted, what's up?" He asked clearing his throat at the end.

"Are you okay, man? You sound weird."

"Of course I do! You interrupted my beauty sleep." He said quickly, not giving Ted any room for argument. "But seriously, what'd you call for?" Ted hesitated almost like he was unsure about what he was going to say.

"D-do you know what's up with Robin?"

"No, pfft." He said nonchalantly. "Why would I know what's up with Robin? Something's up with Robin? Is she okay? Did she say anything about me?" He asked in a rush of words.

"I don't know, she came home completely wasted. Said Carl cut her off." Barney heard the floor boards creaking on the other end and he knew Ted was moving around. He felt a pang in his chest when he found out Robin had gotten drunk. It didn't surprise him, but he realized she was hurting a lot. Maybe more than he originally thought. Sure, Robin drank often. Hell, they all drank a lot more than they should. But they didn't get wasted, only under very special circumstances. And Carl didn't cut them off, well, he had once. But that was for difference circumstances. He ran a hand over his face as Ted began to speak again. "She wouldn't," Ted paused before speaking again. "She couldn't say much other than something about yesterday being the worst day ever." Barney couldn't argue with that opinion. "And she said she spent the night at your house. I thought you might know what happened…" He trailed off giving Barney the opportunity to speak.

The problem was Barney didn't have anything to say. Maybe he wanted to tell Ted what was going on, but he was almost positive Robin didn't want anyone else to know. He wanted to tell Ted to leave Robin alone for the next couple of days, but that would require an explanation. "Is she sleeping?" He finally asked. He heard Robin's bedroom door creak open over the phone. He almost told Ted that if you opened the door quickly, it didn't make a sound but he bit down on his lip.

"Yeah, she's passed out." Ted affirmed. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Please," he mumbled. "What would I have to talk about?"

"I don't know," he said in a way that opened the conversation for Barney to tell him. "But I do know that you and Robin have been spending almost every waking moment together, you've been closer the last couple weeks than you ever have before, and Robin told me today was the worst day of her life. It's hard to believe that you don't even know about it." Barney took a deep breath. It was getting harder to not spill everything that happened the last couple weeks, but he wouldn't.

"I have no idea." It was silent for awhile and Barney almost thought Ted hung up, but then Ted spoke up.

"I saw you."

"Uh, what?" He asked and his eyebrows crinkled in confusion. Had Ted seen them in the hospital yesterday?

"A couple of weeks ago," he explained. "The night you broke up with Nora, I saw you in Robin's room cleaning off her bed and blowing out candles." Barney thought his heart had literally stopped beating and was stuck in his throat. He cleared it loudly, trying to think of explanation. He thought back to that night, wait a minute…

"Weren't you high that night, Ted?" He asked laughing, but it came out forced and awkward.

"Uh, yeah."

"You must've imagined it because that definitely never happened, dude." Barney said forcing out another laugh.

"Oh, I didn't think I had that many sandwiches." Ted muttered on the other end and Barney could tell he was trying to remember exactly what happened. Barney needed to get off the phone though. Now. Or else he might crack. He was getting dangerously close. He swallowed.

"Hey, Ted. I'm exhausted so, I'm going to go back to bed." He said quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow." He hung up before Ted had a chance to respond. Now he was going to bed. And he would wake up tomorrow (or later today) and this would all be a bad dream. He stripped down to just his boxers, tonight was not a night for suitjamas. He collapsed on the bed and fell asleep within minutes.

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><p>Barney was sitting at MacLaren's with Ted and Robin. He and Robin were both sulking and Ted kept looking between the two of them, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Barney almost told him to give it a rest, he wasn't going to figure out what happened. He glanced at Robin, who refused to look at him. She looked at him when they sat down and then went into 'ignore Barney' mode. She wouldn't talk to him, she barely talked to Ted. She just sat there staring at her glass, occasionally taking a sip. At least she wasn't getting drunk, although, he might if this night got any more uncomfortable or painful.<p>

He smiled when Marshall and Lily walked into the bar, maybe they could make things better. Or at least that's what he thought until he noticed Lily's protruding baby bump and he took a quick look at Robin. Her head snapped up when Marshall and Lily approached. She managed a small smile and then she closed her eyes tightly taking a large sip of her drink. He sighed, this was going to be a lot harder to get over with Lily's pregnancy in their face. It was like a constant reminder of what they lost, what they had had for a very brief time period.

Lily looked over each member of the table carefully before speaking in her authoritative tone. "Alright, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Robin said quickly and Ted shrugged with a relieved smile spreading over his face now that he was no longer alone with them.

"What would possibly make you think something was wrong?" Barney questioned leaning back in the booth putting on his façade. He felt Robin's gaze on him, but he couldn't look at her. She would break him, once he saw that pain in her eyes. He just couldn't think about it anymore. He needed to concentrate on something else.

"Well you guys all look like someone just died," Marshall supplied. Barney casted his eyes downward again and he noticed that Robin was gripping her glass more tightly than before.

"Plus, there's a really hot blonde at the bar that you're not hitting on." Lily said looking pointedly at him. Barney shrugged.

"Why can't I spend time with you guys? Maybe I don't want to hit on random girls tonight."

"What?" Ted asked squinting at him.

"Maybe you should," Robin mumbled barely glancing at him.

"What?" Barney questioned looking at Robin.

"Maybe you should," she reiterated, this time looking directly at him. He searched her eyes. He didn't know if she was doing this to make it seem like everything was back to normal or if she wanted him gone. He wasn't going to question it, at least not now. If she wanted him gone, he would be gone.

"Fine," he said tightly standing up and heading up to the bar. He took in the blonde Lily was talking about, she was easily a 9. He walked up to her casually, quickly starting up an easy conversation. She was nice enough to talk to, he guessed, but there would be no follow-up conversation. He was talking to her for maybe 15 minutes, when Robin suddenly blew past him and out the door. He turned to look at Ted, who shrugged. "Excuse me," he muttered to the blonde flashing her a smile before following Robin out the door. "Robin!" He yelled quickly picking up his pace to catch up to her. "Robin, wait!" He yelled again catching her arm and swinging her around to face him.

"What?" She asked through gritted teeth. He noticed the tears welling up in her eyes and she tried to pull out of his grasp, but he wasn't letting go. He wanted her to talk to him. "Let me go," she said softly and he immediately let go. It was so unlike the voice of the strong, independent Robin Scherbatsky he was used to.

"Why'd you run out like that?"

"Because unlike you, I'm not okay." She said, the venom back in her voice. Is that what she really thought? That he was okay with this? Because he was far from okay.

"You think I'm okay?"

"You seemed okay when you were hitting on that girl." She crossed her arms and stood defensively.

"What?" He asked loudly. "Y-yo-you are so beyond frustrating! You told me to hit on her!" He yelled.

"So now you'll just do things because I ask you to?" She raised an eyebrow not backing down.

"Half the things I do are about you, Robin." He said softer this time and took a step toward her. "Look, I'm sorry about snapping at you yesterday. I didn't mean it. I really really care about you." She looked up at him and brushed away a stray tear. She reached up and stroked his cheek. It was amazing that even after all this time she could still give him butterflies. She was the only woman who could ever do that.

"You need to get over me," she instructed her voice quivering.

"I can't." Robin shook her head and took a step back making her way toward the entrance to her apartment building.

"You have to, okay?" She said wiping away another tear and it took every ounce of self-restraint he had to not go after her and wipe her tears away. "Because I can't keep hurting you and it seems like that's all I've been doing lately. I lo-care about you too much to keep hurting you. I can't do this anymore, Barney. Everything that goes wrong with us, it's always my fault. I'm sorry." She turned and opened the door, he called out to her but it was pointless. She wasn't going to stop. He ran a hand over his face. She didn't want him to go after her. She didn't want him to be her knight in shining armor this time. He took a deep breath. He would give her some space, for now. He could probably use some space, anyway. Once they both got the proper amounts of space and they would have a long talk. He planned on explaining how everything that happened between them was in no way her fault. Except the whole Kevin and Nora situation, that was pretty much her fault. He might have been able to avoid it though, if he hadn't hurt her so much in the past. If she were able to trust him more. It was his fault, not hers.

He shook his head and hailed a cab. He wasn't going back into the bar. Marshall, Ted, and Lily would know something was wrong and he was on the edge of spilling his heart out. He climbed into the cab and gave the cabbie his address. They both needed their space right now but it was inevitable that they would find their way back to each other. That's what Barney told himself. Because they were Barney and Robin and they were meant to be together, right? They would be okay. They had to be.


	7. Fix It

_Guys, seriously thank you so much for all the wonderful feedback on this story! Your reviews make me smile. By the way, has anyone listened to the song I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz? It totally reminds me of Barney and Robin. Anyway, hope you like this chapter. There's only a couple chapters left, two or three maybe. Let me know what you think!_

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><p>She wanted to take it back. That's all she thought about for the last week. She wanted to take back what she said to Barney. She doesn't want him to move on. She hadn't even seen him since then. She hadn't seen much of anyone. She climbed inside her shell and she wasn't quite sure when she would come back out. It was kind of like how she was after Don, except she was showering and no one really knew how upset she was. None of them would even be able to comprehend what she was going through, anyway. Well, Barney might but she had effectively shut him out.<p>

She sighed. She told herself it was for the best. It was for Barney, maybe she needed him, but he definitely needed to be without her. That's why she was staying away, for both their sakes. She'd been working later and later giving her virtually no time with anyone. Marshall and Lily were mostly consumed with their house on Long Island, which she was actually thankful for at the moment. She wasn't sure where Ted had been, but he was leaving her alone and that was good enough. Ted and Lily were always hard to fool, they could see right through her. If Lily walked in the apartment right now, she would ask where the poop was. It didn't matter though, because Lily was on Long Island and Robin was in a work/sleep/work pattern. She was glad that journalism was an all hours job, because she couldn't stand to be left alone with her thoughts.

She left work relatively early today though. Actually, her boss made her leave but that was a minor detail. She pushed the door open to her apartment and she prayed to God that Ted was already down at MacLaren's. Ted jumped up as soon as the door was open and smiled. "Hey, you're home early tonight." He observed looking her over. She gave him a tight smile closing the door behind her. "Okay, time to go downstairs."

"Ted," she sighed. "I'm really tired."

"No," he interrupted holding up his hand. "No excuses, we haven't seen you all week."

"Ted-" She started again but he shook his head.

"No," he shook his head not even giving her an opportunity to sit down. He grabbed her by the shoulders and steered her out of the apartment. She grumbled a couple of complaints, but Ted ignored her slipping his arm around her shoulders. She hoped Barney wasn't at the bar, she couldn't face him. She couldn't pretend in front of him. He always saw right through her. Ted liked his idealized version of things, so it was easy to put things past him. Despite her and Marshall being close friends for years, they didn't spend enough time alone together for him to be able to really call her on it. Lily was a different story, though. Lily was the only one, besides Barney, that she thought might not buy her fakeness. But, she reasoned, Lily was pregnant and Lily with pregnancy brain was easy to fool.

She breathed a sigh of relief as they walked into the bar and she noticed Barney wasn't at the booth. Only Marshall and Lily. A real smile worked its way onto her face as she watched the soon-to-be parents interact. Robin noticed that as long as she didn't look at Lily's stomach it was easy to pretend she wasn't pregnant. Which in turn, made it easier to forget what happened to her. As she and Ted made their way to the table, she almost started to relax until she heard Barney's laugh off to her left and she froze. She willed herself to keep walking, because she didn't want anyone to know anything was wrong. Once she was sitting and had a drink in her hand, she allowed herself to look in Barney's direction. He was standing at the bar talking to a girl, typical Barney. She told herself she wasn't jealous, because this was what Barney did. Plus, she didn't have feelings for him. She immediately turned her attention back to everyone else once Barney looked her way. She took a deep breath and looked at Marshall and Lily.

"So, how's the house?" She asked plastering a smile on her face. Okay, she said she was happy for them and it wasn't a lie, but she missed them.

"It's good," Marshall smiled holding Lily's hand.

"Yeah, my dad's actually been helpful lately, showing us where things are and stuff." Robin sighed. She wanted to go back upstairs. Being here with them, she shook her head. At this moment, Lily was literally getting everything Robin never thought she wanted: a relationship with her father, a stable relationship, a family. God, when had she become so sentimental, probably around the time she fell in love with Barney. Shit, she was in love with Barney. She already knew it, though, and she has known it for awhile. This was the first time she was actually admitting it to herself. "You okay?" Lily asked, her eyebrows drawing up in concern.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." She gave Lily a fake smile, which seemed to appease her for now.

"So," Marshall said a real smile growing on his face. "Who's the girl?" He nudged Ted and glanced over at Barney, who was still talking to the blonde. She refused to look up. If she was stuck here and she couldn't bolt at any second, then she couldn't look at Barney. Ted quickly averted his gaze from Robin and looked toward Barney.

"Her name's Quinn. We met her on that double date a couple nights ago." Robin bit down on her lower lip. This wasn't just some conquest to him, then. He'd actually met her before and they went out a second time. "It's weird because it seemed like they kind of hated each other at first, but I don't know." Ted shrugged. "They seem okay now."

"Well, I'm happy for him." Lily spoke up and Robin was silently begging them all to shut up. She couldn't talk about Barney, she couldn't think about Barney. Everything was still so fresh. She hadn't had time to bury it yet. That was why she needed to be alone; because once she buried it then it wouldn't upset her again. She could just pretend all of this never happened and move on with her life. She always reasoned with herself that if she could pretend it never happened, if she acted like it never happened; then it didn't. It had worked so far, at least until Barney had wormed his way into her life. He had this way of dragging things out of her, things she had buried really deep. She was brought out of her thoughts when Lily started speaking again. "He's been acting weird lately. I mean, I knew he was upset after Nora but he seemed to get over it and then he seemed all upset again. Weird," she said shaking her head. Ted eyed Robin from across the table.

"Yeah, it is interesting." He looked at her. "Have any thoughts on that Robin?" She quickly shook her head, probably too quickly. She was starting to get suspiciously quiet.

"No," she murmured staring at the table. "I just want him to be happy." She sounded so sad, she realized. Ted was looking at her with those sympathetic eyes and she couldn't do it anymore. "Hey guys, it's been a really long week and I'm tired. But don't worry, no more working late. I'll be here tomorrow." She injected fake-happiness in her voice and it seemed to work. At least they let her go without a fight. She blew past Barney and Quinn on her way out, not bothering to say hello. Yeah, she told him to move on but it still hurt like hell that he actually did.

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><p>Barney didn't want to be here having this pointless conversation with Quinn right now. He was fighting the urge to go upstairs and see how Robin was. She was the entire reason he was here with Quinn, anyway. She wanted him to move on, so he did. It was like Nora all over again. He smiled at something Quinn said, but he wasn't really paying attention. It's not that she wasn't pretty, because she was gorgeous and she seemed to like him. Actually, she hated him the other day but he had made it his challenge to make her like him and Barney Stinson always completed a challenge. So, he turned back to Quinn and willed himself to get invested in this conversation.<p>

"So, basically you're a female version of me." He smirked leaning against the bar. "That's why you hated me so much."

"No," she giggled and it reminded him of how Robin always giggled when she lied. God, he missed her. He hadn't seen her all week and it sucked; the last time they'd gone this long without seeing each other was when she moved to Japan, but even then they talked every day. He meant it when he told her his day was no good without talking to her. He hadn't had a good day since their conversation last week, although he wouldn't call that a particularly good day.

He knew as soon Robin walked in the room. He heard her voice when Ted opened the door and he froze. He told himself to focus on Quinn. If he doesn't look at her, he could pretend she wasn't here. But the truth was he couldn't. It was impossible to ignore Robin. He watched her out of the corner of his eye. She didn't look happy. Stop, he scolded. It wasn't his job to worry about her anymore. She didn't want him to worry about her. She wanted him to move on, which he was doing okay at until she stepped into the room. He might as well face the facts. He was never going to get over Robin and unless he could be with her, he couldn't really be with anyone else. He could revert back to old Barney, or a less extreme version of him; but he couldn't date anyone. Not seriously.

He felt Robin's eyes on him, but he couldn't look at her. He strained his ears trying to listen to the conversation, but he could barely hear them. Ted said something about Quinn and Lily said something about Nora, that was all he got. Then, Robin walked past and didn't even acknowledge him. He started to go after her, but stopped himself. That didn't work out too well the last time. He knew he needed to stop this with Quinn before they got in too deep. He didn't want an exact repeat of Nora and he certainly didn't want to hurt another woman. "Quinn," he sighed and she nodded.

"I get it," she gave him a smile. "You're in love with her?"

"Who?" He asked. She definitely caught him off guard with that question.

"That girl that just left," she laughed gesturing to the door. "You were distracted the entire time she was in here."

"She's just an ex." He shrugged. He didn't need to talk about Robin with a complete stranger. If his best friends couldn't help him, then this woman couldn't.

"Yeah, I don't believe that. You can tell me the truth."

"It's so complicated I don't even think I could begin to explain it…" He trailed off. She paused looking at him closely.

"Normally, when it's that complicated and there's that much history." She took a deep breath and forced him to look her in the eye. "Normally, it's worth fighting for. Just remember that, Barney."

"You sound like you're speaking from experience," he commented now observing her.

"Hey," she shrugged a small smile on her face. "I didn't turn into the female version of you overnight."

"I resent that comment!" He laughed and he realized this was the first time he'd really laughed since the miscarriage. Of course Robin was the reason they got on this topic of conversation. It always came back to Robin. Always. Quinn said her goodbyes and then left, not that he could blame her. He invited her to stay and have a drink, but she said no. Not that he blamed her. He sighed and slowly walked over to the booth. He sat down heavily next to Lily, who looked concerned.

"What happened to Quinn?" Ted asked raising an eyebrow.

"We realized it wasn't going to work." Because he still loved Robin.

"Why?" Ted probed and Barney glared at him.

"I really don't want to talk about it." He muttered picking at the wood cracks in the table.

"Well, as fun as this has been we have to go." Lily quickly got up and Marshall followed suit.

"They really need a better code." Ted laughed trying to lighten the mood and Barney laughed half-heartedly with him. "Dude, what the hell is going on?" He asked suddenly getting serious.

"It's a really long story that I don't want to get into, Ted."

"You need to talk to someone." He instructed clasping his hands together on the table.

"Yeah, Robin." He mumbled. "But she doesn't want to talk to me so."

"She does." Ted said nodding. "God, she needs to. She won't talk to me and she's shutting the rest of us out. I don't know what happened between you two, but you guys need to fix it because I can't live like this. I don't like mopey Barney and depressed Robin." Barney had basically been ignoring Ted, but his ears perked up at the last part.

"Robin's depressed?" Ted shrugged.

"She's been working a lot, not showing up at home until almost eleven and then leaving in the morning before I can see her. And when I do talk to her she's distant. I don't know if something else is going on with her, but you need to do whatever you can to fix it because you're the only one who can get through to her."

Barney wanted to lash out at Ted, because Ted had no idea what he was talking about. It was impossible to just fix it. Barney and Robin were shutting down because they couldn't handle their emotions, but even if they could they'd still be falling apart. It was just too much for them and as badly as Barney wanted to go find Robin and make everything better, he was too worried he'd make everything worse. He inhaled ridding his mind of other thoughts. Now was not the time to spill his heart out, besides if he was going to talk about this with anyone it'd be Robin. He knew he could've talked to her a week and a half ago about this, but then he pushed her away. It was a natural reaction. It was what he did and yeah, he felt awful about it. Of course he wanted to go back and do it differently. He wanted to sort out their feelings and let her know that he loved her, but he pushed her away and now he had to deal with the consequences. "Just think about what I said, okay?" Ted suggested throwing some money on the table before walking out. _Think about what I said. _He wanted to assure Ted that's all he would be thinking about for the next couple of days, but Ted was long gone and he was at the table alone with his thoughts.


	8. A Big Problem

Sorry, this was really short but I already have the next chapter planned out (and have had it planned out since I started this) and I couldn't put it in this chapter. This was really a filler but I wanted Barney and Robin to be on good terms for the next chapter. I think this story has definitely two, possibly three chapters left. I hope you like this one. Check out my other stories! Thanks for all your reviews, alerts, etc. I really really appreciate them! Let me know what you think of this one!

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><p>"Robin!" Barney yelled knocking on the door loudly. He had been trying to get her to answer for a good 3 minutes. He didn't want to use the key, but he was tempted. He decided if she didn't answer after one last knock, he would let himself in. He knew she was home. Ted had called him a half-hour ago saying he was leaving for a date and Robin was staying home. Ted also strongly suggested that Barney go over and talk to her. Barney was going to talk to her, anyway, but he honestly didn't think it was Ted's job to get involved. Ted had always been a little too into his friends' relationships, but in this situation Ted had no idea what had happened. He didn't know that it wasn't something that could be solved with a simple conversation. Ted didn't realize how beyond fucked up they both were and the miscarriage was the final straw in the chain of events that caused them to unravel.<p>

He dug in his pocket for the key and quickly slipped it into the lock. He sighed slamming the door behind him, hoping to at least warn Robin of his presence. He scanned the apartment for any sign of the brunette, but didn't see any. "Robin?" He called taking a quick glance in the kitchen and her bedroom. He felt a breeze coming from the back of the apartment and noticed the open window. She was on the roof, of course. He should've thought of that sooner. He climbed up the stairs and made his way onto the roof. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Robin sitting on one of the chairs, a pack of cigarettes in hand. She stubbed one out and immediately lit another one.

"Those things give you cancer, y'know." He said conversationally walking toward her. She turned and gave him a small smile, letting a stream of smoke out of her mouth.

"Can't bring myself to care." He nodded and took a seat next to her. "Want one?" She asked flipping open the pack and handing him the lighter before he even said yes. He lit one and took a huge drag. They both sat silently. He wasn't sure what to say now that he was here. He wanted to ask her so many things, but he didn't know how.

"So," he started awkwardly. "How've you been?"

"Living," she shrugged. "What about you?"

"Fine."

"How's Blondie?" She asked flicking ashes off the end of her cigarette.

"Who?" He drew his eyebrows up in confusion. Robin gave him a look and it clicked. "Oh, her. It didn't work out. She," he paused. What was he supposed to say? _She knew I was in love with you. _He didn't think that was a good answer. "She was a stripper."

"And that stopped you?" Robin questioned with a wide smile, eyebrow raised in a challenge. He realized just how much he missed her. He missed when she laughed at his jokes or made him smile on a daily basis. Now almost every thought of her came with this dull aching pain in his chest. He shrugged in response to her question.

"Not really the kind of girl you take home to Mom."

"I honestly don't think your mom would care, but whatever." She stomped out her cigarette and walked over to the edge of the building. He watched her for a few moments before following her. "Do you ever wish you could fly?" She asked suddenly looking down at the street below them. She continued without waiting for a response. "It'd be so freeing, you know? To be able to let everything go and just explore."

"Robin," he sighed. "I really think we need to talk."

"No," she said loudly shaking her head. "No. When I wanted to talk, you weren't ready. I understood that and I respected that, but now it's too late, Barney. I don't want to talk about it; I can't talk about it. I think it's best if we just forget it ever happened."

"We can't just forget about it." Barney muttered kicking against the cement wall. At this point, he didn't care if the wall scuffed his shoes; he didn't care much about anything recently. He cared about Robin and he cared about getting out all these things he was feeling. He needed to talk about them. He couldn't talk to anyone, besides Robin. She was the only one who knew what happened and he wasn't going to tell everyone what happened now. He could probably talk to Dr. Grossbard, but he didn't want an analysis of his feelings.

"Yes, we can." She said with more conviction in her voice than he had been expecting. "Look after it happened," her voice faltered for a second but she quickly recovered. "I couldn't stop thinking about it, but that was just making me miserable. So, I buried it. Deep deep down and I decided not to think about it. If you make me talk about it, then I'm going to…I can't talk about it, Barney." He nodded understandingly, even though he didn't agree with a word of what she just said. They NEEDED to talk about it. He knew that's why she was so miserable, she needed to get it all out. If she didn't get it out now, it would be like a dam bursting when it all came out. He wanted to talk about it too, but just by looking at her he could tell she needed it more than him. She looked like she hadn't had a good night's sleep in at least a week, she was noticeably skinnier, and she was paler than a healthy person should be.

"Robin," he took a step toward her and she shook her head.

"No," her voice cracked loudly, but they both purposefully ignored it.

"Ted said we should talk."

"Ted doesn't know what the hell is going on." He almost laughed, because that had been exactly what Barney was thinking when Ted first suggested they talk. He knew Ted was right, but another part of him completely agreed with Robin. "Listening to our friends has never worked out in the past. Remember when Lily made us define the relationship? That was the beginning of our downfall."

"Is that really what you think it was?" He asked curiously. He tried not to think about their failed relationship often, because it was a sensitive topic in his mind. He didn't like to think about all the ways they had failed, because then he thought about all the reasons they shouldn't be together. He saw Robin shrug out of the corner of his eye.

"We were fine all summer and then right after we had the talk we started to fight all the time and we tried to be like Marshall and Lily and be the perfect couple. We were never going to be the perfect couple." She said leaning on the edge of the roof's wall.

"I think we could've been a different kind of perfect couple." Barney suggested. She managed to give him a small smile and nodded slightly.

"I think you're right," she sighed. "I guess we'll never know." She smiled ruefully and sank down to the ground. He stopped himself from saying that they could still find out. They were both better off alone right now. Neither of them needed the extra emotions of being in a relationship. "Are we okay?" Robin asked hesitantly. "Because I really don't want to go back to our awkward friendship we had after our break-up and right now I could really use my friend Barney." _My friend Barney. _Those words made a bigger impact than he wanted to admit. Sure, they were friends and he wanted to be friends, but the majority of him wanted to be way more than that. He nodded.

"Of course we're okay. You're not getting rid of me that easy, Scherbatsky." He smiled before sitting down next to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head lightly.

"You're not getting rid of me either, Stinson." She smiled up at him before letting her head drop again. He was glad they were okay, because the last couple of weeks had been hard on him. He missed her like crazy. Not being able to just call her when he thought of something funny to tell her, killed him. But his purpose for coming here wasn't really accomplished. He came here to talk to Robin about the miscarriage, because they both needed to own up to the way they were feeling. He knew it didn't matter how much he wanted to talk about it though, he couldn't push her.

"I know you don't want to talk about it now and I know you might not ever want to talk about it, but if you do," he said looking over at her.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "It's just hard, especially with Lily being so…" She trailed off with a sigh.

"Well, it'll be over soon." He said supportively.

"Next couple of weeks," she breathed out and her head fell against the wall with a thud. Barney's stomach growled loudly causing them both to laugh. "You hungry?" He nodded biting on his lower lip. He was starving, but he didn't want to leave the roof. He didn't want to leave Robin. "What do you want?"

"Tacos," he said immediately without thinking. It wasn't lost on him that tacos had been his metaphor for Robin three years ago. He didn't even really like tacos that much. Although, he had developed quite a tolerance for them considering Robin bought him tacos all the time. Sometimes he swore she had the memory of an elephant.

"Alright, tacos it is." She smiled standing up. She held out her hand to help him up. He wanted to laugh because it was kind of ridiculous that she was helping him up. He could stand up perfectly fine on his own. He thought they both just really needed the human contact right now. They walked arm in arm, which was probably weird but he didn't want to let her go. They were halfway to the Mexican restaurant when Robin turned to him. "Whatever happened to you not liking Chinese?"

"Huh?" He asked confused.

"You told us that you didn't like Chinese." She reminded him.

"What does Chinese have to do with anything?"

"We're getting Mexican. Weird music, funny meats, side of rice, you know?" He laughed, because he did remember that conversation. It was true he wasn't a fan of Mexican or Chinese or Indian, for that matter. He thought about how exactly to answer her question and he smiled at her.

"I guess that was before I fell in love with tacos."

"Tacos must have quite the hold on you," she giggled walking in through the door he was holding open for her.

"Yeah," he said looking at her intently. "They really do. Kind of wish I could kick the habit." He mumbled.

"They're not like cigarettes. I don't think it would be that hard to stop eating tacos." Robin commented as they got in line.

"Turns out I really miss tacos when they're not around."

"I think you might have a bit of problem there, Barn." She smiled at the cashier taking her change.

"Yeah, me too." He whispered watching her take a seat at the table across the restaurant. "A big problem."


	9. I'm Ready to Talk

_Sorry this chapter was really short, but I didn't know what else to write. I have one more chapter of this story planned out! If you liked this story, definitely go check out my other stories! Anyways, thanks for all the feedback. I appreciate it! Let me know what you thought of this chapter. Also, I don't hate Ted. I know some people do, but I love Ted. I do think he can be a bit of a douche sometimes, as demonstrated in this chapter. Alright, on with the story!_

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><p>Robin knew she was on the verge of breakdown. It had been coming for awhile, but being here in the hospital with Lily in labor was the end of it. She had too many feelings inside that needed to come out. She was good at holding herself together and keeping everything in, but it was too much this time. She wanted Marshall to get here, because she felt bad leaving Lily before Marshall was here. Lily was her best friend and she wanted to be there for her, but right now she couldn't do it.<p>

She wished she would've taken Barney up on his offer to talk now. Although, when Barney offered she thought she would be able to hold it in forever. An idea that seemed incredibly stupid when she thought about it. Robin always was a master at holding in her feelings though, so she honestly never thought there would be a time where she couldn't. Of course there were instances in the past: her slight breakdowns after Barney and Don, to name a few. A lot of what happened with Don, happened because of Barney though. It always seemed to come back to Barney.

She sighed hoping to release the tension she felt inside. It didn't help that the breath was shaky and she could feel the tears pricking her eyes. She had to get out of this room. Now. She practically bolted from the room, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea. She sat down in a chair in the waiting room, hanging her head in her hands. She refused to cry, she just needed a breather. She was alone for all of two minutes before Ted came running out after her. "Robin, what the hell are you doing?" He scolded. "Lily needs us."

"I know. I just need a minute." She mumbled not looking up at him.

"Dammit Robin! I thought you were changing." That statement sent her head flying up and her eyes meeting Ted's intense stare.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked, her voice coming out surprisingly steady.

"I thought you were finally learning that you don't always have to put yourself first, but apparently I was wrong."

"Look Ted, I'm here for Lily and I will be there for Lily, I just needed a minute. Alright?" They continued arguing and neither noticed Marshall run past them into Lily's room.

"Exactly. YOU needed a minute. It's all about Robin, it's always about you." She glared at him.

"It is not!"

"We've all spent the last couple weeks worrying about you instead of focusing on Lily and the baby." Ted responded. "You managed to take their happy moment and hang a cloud over it."

"I didn't ask for you guys to worry about me. I'm perfectly fine on my own!"

"Clearly you're not or we wouldn't be having this conversation. Your best friend is having a baby and it's your job to be there for her." He said lowering his voice.

"Goddammit Ted!" She yelled reaching her breaking point. "You have no idea what the hell I've been through and right now it's really hard for me to be in there with Lily. And you're right it is selfish, but you have your selfish moments too. You're being a hypocritical douche."

"Maybe sometimes I am. No, you know what? I'm not. I'm there for the moments that really count, like my best friends having a baby. You can't use the emotionally crippled excuse forever." She balled her hands into fists to keep herself from punching Ted in the face.

"Fuck you." She spat out stalking in the opposite direction of Lily's room. She blew past Barney, who she didn't even notice, and found herself sitting in the middle of a hallway somewhere. She took a couple deep breaths and pressed her hands against her temples. Jesus, when did she become such an emotional wreck? She figured it probably happened sometime between the night with Barney, the break-up with Kevin, the subsequent pregnancy from the night with Barney, and the miscarriage. She just needed five minutes and then she would go back to Lily.

* * *

><p>Barney glared at Ted as he walked toward him. He had to remind himself that Ted didn't know why this day was so hard for Robin to get through. He told himself over and over again, mostly so he wouldn't deck Ted in the face. "What the fuck, Ted?" Barney asked once he reached his friend.<p>

"Hey! When did you and Marshall get here?"

"Early enough that I got to hear your argument with Robin." He muttered trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

"Yeah," Ted sighed. "I'll apologize later. I just couldn't take anymore of Robin feeling so sorry for herself. We all have problems, she needs to learn to deal with hers."

"I'm not going to tell you what happened, because it's not really my place. Plus, I don't want to ruin this for Marshall and Lily but Robin has a right to be upset today. Okay, Ted? And you probably just made it ten times worse." Barney told him keeping his emotions in check. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go after Robin. Tell Marshall and Lily we'll be back soon." He instructed Ted before turning and walking in the direction Robin ran.

"Barney!" Ted called after him. "Tell Robin I'm sorry." Barney acknowledged him with a slight nod and then took off running. "Robin," he breathed out in relief when he found her. He slid down the wall sitting next to her on the floor. "Ted said he's sorry." He decided to lead with.

"Good for Ted," she muttered wiping away a tear. "I'm ready to talk." Robin said finally. "After Lily has the baby and we leave. I'm ready."

"Okay," he smiled.

"Let's go watch Lily have a baby." She said standing up and waiting for Barney to follow her.

* * *

><p>Hours later after Jamie "Hurricane" Erikson was born, Barney and Robin sat next to each other on his couch. "I'm so happy for Marshall and Lily."<p>

"Yeah," he agreed leaning back against the arm of the couch.

"I'm sorry for pushing you away." She drew imaginary patterns on the couch refusing to look up at Barney.

"Don't worry about it," he shrugged. "So, I guess we should talk?" Robin nodded.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Barney." She admitted, finally looking at him. "Some days I'm so relieved that it, y'know, didn't work out, but then I feel horrible. And then there are days like today," she shrugged helplessly hoping he understood.

"When all you can think about is what could've been?" He supplied.

"Exactly," she agreed. "I just, I don't know how to be upset over losing something I never even wanted in the first place."

"You're allowed to be upset." Barney reasoned. "We're both allowed to be upset. We lost something that was a part of us. Yeah, maybe neither of us ever wanted a baby or a family, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less."

"I feel like I shouldn't care and I shouldn't, right? I didn't want this now, maybe not ever. God, I'm just such a mess and my emotions are all over the place. And it's all my fault." She said quietly blinking her eyes rapidly to ward off the tears. Barney suddenly got up and moved closer to her.

"Robin, you don't blame yourself for this? Do you?" He asked grabbing her hand.

"Of course I do." She admitted a few tears flowing. "It's my body. If I would have done something differently…who knows what could have happened. It's all my fault. And the only thing I can think about is how much you must hate me because I lost the baby."

"Robin," he sighed taking ahold of her face forcing her to look at him. When her eyes refused to meet his, he stroked her cheek gently. "Robin, look at me." He instructed. Her teary eyes met his and he wiped a few of her tears away. "Listen to me, none of this is your fault. None of it, okay? Things like this happen for no reason. I don't hate you. I could never hate you." He licked his lips trying to figure out what to say next. He had never seen Robin like this before. She wasn't just upset, she seemed devastated. "If you're ever going to get past this you need to stop blaming yourself. Can you do that?" She nodded and wiped away the remaining tears.

"God, Barney, I'm sorry. I didn't come over here to cry all over you." He smiled and shrugged.

"Hey, I'm great at comforting crying women, which I have proved many a time." She laughed.

"I love you." Robin blurted out suddenly and Barney's eyes went wide.

"What?"

"I tried to convince myself for a long time that I didn't feel like this because it was better for both of us if I didn't, but I can't do it anymore. I know you probably don't feel the same way anymore. I just had to tell you. Also, we don't talk about our feelings so, if we could just never mention this again?"

"I feel the same way." Barney said before she even finished her sentence.

"You do?" She asked barely daring to look up from the floor. He took her hands in his and smiled widely.

"Robin, I love you too." Robin bit her lip to keep the smile from taking over her face.

"You know the next time we probably say this to each other one of us will be on our deathbeds."

"That's okay. Just because we're in love doesn't mean we have to be Ted." The mention of Ted instantly wiped the smile off Robin's face and Barney sighed. "Hey, he didn't mean any of what he said to you." She shrugged.

"But he was right," She rubbed a hand over her face. "I guess I have to talk to him."

"Tomorrow," he mumbled tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You can talk to him tomorrow. Tonight, you're not going anywhere."


	10. Let's Get Married

_Ah! Last chapter! I hope you liked it and if you did check out some of my other stories. I just want to thank everyone so so so much whether you read or reviewed or whatever, it really means a lot so thank you! I know this was kind of (really) a cliche ending, but I thought it had to have a happy ending. So, thank you guys!_

* * *

><p><em>A little ways down the road…<em>

"Ted, the bride wants to see you." Lily said poking her head through the door. Ted felt the already large amount of nerves he had multiply by 100. He wasn't surprised that Robin wanted to see him, after all he was her best man as well as Barney's, but Lily looked nervous. If Lily couldn't calm Robin down, then what were the chances that he could? And why did she want to see him when she had a perfectly good (and probably more qualified) maid of honor? He glanced surreptitiously at Barney, who seemed to be okay after his slight uncertainty about the wedding, and nodded at Lily following her down the hallway.

"What's up?" He asked as soon as the door was safely closed and Barney could no longer hear them.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Robin just started freaking out and said you would know how to calm her down." They stopped outside the door and Lily placed a comforting hand on Ted's arm. "Look, I know you just had to deal with Barney and you're probably nowhere near ready to deal with this crisis, but Ted, if you don't get Robin down that damn aisle; I will kill you."

"Don't worry," he smiled trying to cover how nervous he actually was. "They will get married today."

"I'll give you guys some alone time." Lily said giving him a small smile. Ted knocked on the door quietly and poked his head in.

"Robin," he called stepping into the room.

"Hey," she muttered smoothing down the front of her dress in the mirror. He was taken aback for a moment by how beautiful she looked. Of course Robin had always been a head turner, but today she was beyond gorgeous.

"Wow, you look amazing." Robin turned to face him and managed a smile before collapsing onto the couch. He watched her intently for a few seconds waiting for her to say something. "Okay, I'm going to give you some tough love. Robin, you love Barney. Otherwise you wouldn't have agreed to marry him in the first place, so you're going to get up and march your ass down that aisle."

"I know," she nodded. "God, I know." She said letting out a deep breath. "I just-" She sighed loudly running a hand over her face. "What if something changes and Barney doesn't want me anymore?" She asked, tears welling up in her eyes. Ted quickly moved to comfort her.

"Robin," he said seriously. "There is nothing you could do to make Barney not want you. I was just with him-" He tried to say, but Robin quickly interrupted.

"How was he? Was he nervous? What'd he say?" She asked in a rush of words.

"He was nervous." Ted confirmed. "But that's completely normal, obviously." He muttered the last part under his breath trying to figure out exactly how to deal with Robin. "He just wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing, which I think he knew he was." He assured her. "As long as you don't boss him around too much," he smiled bumping their shoulders together. "Or get fat." He added after a second thought and with that Robin burst into tears. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey." He put his arm around her rubbing her back comfortingly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm gonna get fat." She mumbled into the tissue Ted had magically produced.

"Please, Robin Scherbatsky always looks hot." he laughed.

"Not according to Barney's stupid mermaid theory." She muttered wiping away some tears. Ted looked at her confused. Wasn't Barney's mermaid theory all about men and women being friends? Wait a minute…

"Are you pregnant?" He asked trying to keep any type of emotion out of his voice. He figured it would explain the hysterics, though. Of course, Barney and Robin had eventually come clean about the cheating and the miscarriage and everything. That's exactly why Ted didn't want to sound too excited, because he honestly thought they both wanted a baby, especially after they told him about their almost brush with parenthood. No one was that devastated about something, if they didn't really want it. Robin nodded.

"I took a test." She informed him. "Actually, I took a couple tests. They were all good and positive."

"Robin!" He exclaimed. "That's terrific. You and Barney are going to be great parents."

"But what if something goes wrong again?"

"Nothing will." He said with unwavering certainty in his voice.

"What if Barney doesn't want this?"

"He wants to marry you." Ted reminded her.

"Yeah, but he didn't agree to it knowing I was going to blow up like a whale. He just told you he was worried I was going to get fat! And he thinks pregnant women are extremely unattractive!" She wailed as more tears started to flow. Ted sighed knowing there was really nothing he could do.

"This goes against all wedding traditions, but I think you need to talk to Barney."

"He's going to call off the wedding."

"No, he's not. But you're nervous and emotional and I don't think anything I say is going to calm you down." He pulled Robin up by her arm and quickly ushered her down the hallway. Robin knocked on the door hesitantly and when Barney pulled it open, Ted pushed her in and closed it behind her.

"Hey," Barney said softly. "I know we never do anything by the book, but I'm pretty sure this is against the rules."

"I had to see you." Her voice wobbled slightly and Barney quickly moved toward her.

"Were you crying?" He asked suddenly concerned. "You look hot, by the way." He added with a smile. Well, she wouldn't be hot for long, she thought. She dissolved into tears.

"Whoa, what is wrong?" He tilted her face up to look at him.

"I'm gonna get fat and then you're just going to find another woman who is way hotter and not old and gross and-" Barney quickly cut her off.

"Scherbatsky," He said taking a step toward her and putting his arms around her. "And forgive me for how corny this is going to sound, but nothing you do is ever going to make me love you less."

"Not even the mermaid theory?" She asked with a sniffle.

"What? I don't read minds and I honestly have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but we're getting married in ten minutes, so I think you need to explain." He wiped a few of her tears away as she nodded.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant." She repeated and Barney broke into a smile.

"That's why you're afraid I'm going to leave you?" He asked trying to keep the laughter out of his voice and Robin nodded. "That's ridiculous."

"But the mermaid theory and you told Ted," she mumbled.

"The mermaid theory doesn't count if the woman in question is having your baby. We're having a baby!" He smiled widely.

"You're excited?" She asked with apprehension.

"Of course!"

"You still want to get married?" Barney laughed and then quickly got serious when he noticed how much this was affecting Robin.

"Yes! Robin, when I asked you to marry me it was because I saw a serious future with you and I did see kids in that future, especially after what happened last year. I didn't think it would happen this soon, but I'm definitely not unhappy about this. If anything I want to marry you more."

"Wow, you're really laying on the cheese today." She laughed through her tears.

"It's our wedding day, I'm allowed to do that. Now, are you ready?"

"Let's get married." Robin nodded lacing her fingers with his.

"Let's get married." He repeated giving her a soft kiss on the head.

* * *

><p>As soon as Ted had safely deposited Robin in Barney's room, he made his way to the entrance of the church. He really needed some fresh air. He noticed the yellow umbrella, just like one he had lost, sitting next to the entrance. He glanced around and when he didn't see anyone, he grabbed it and made his way outside. Just as he was about to walk down the steps a woman called out to him.<p>

"Excuse me! I think you stole my umbrella."


End file.
